How to Tell If Your Ex Still Thinks About You

When a relationship ends, I bet all your
friends and family tell you to “just get over it”.
Or maybe they use that old platitude, “there are
plenty more fish in the sea”.

What they don’t seem to get is that you don’t
want just ANY fish. You want THAT PARTICULAR fish.
And you’re prepared to do just about anything to
get him or her back again.

You know something? The end of a relationship
isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be looked at
as an opportunity. A GIFT, even. You’re being
given the opportunity to fix your relationship –
to figure out what went wrong, and how to never,
ever let it happen again.

You can use this opportunity to make things
BETTER than they ever were before. And when you’ve
dealt with all the emotions and done all the work
you need to, then it’s time to get your lover
back.

I can tell you exactly how to do this. You CAN
win back the love of your ex – and I can tell you
exactly how to do so. The book is called “2nd
Chance: How to Win Back the Love of Your Ex” and
it’s a practical how-to guide to getting your
lover back. That means that I don’t just tell you
how to THINK about the situation you’re in – I
tell you precisely what to do to win back the love
of your ex.

If you’re interested in healing your
relationship pain, understanding WHY the two of
you broke up, and welcoming your ex back into your
life, then check out the book here:

https://www.meetyoursweet.com/2ndchance/women/index.php.

When a relationship ends, it feels as though
the world’s been turned upside down. Suddenly,
everything that is familiar and precious has
vanished. All that’s left is the cold, insensitive
world.

It’s scary, it’s horrible … and it’s your new
reality.

With a head full of confusion and a heart full
of pain, the one question on your mind is: “How
can I fix this situation RIGHT NOW?”

During the initial shock and confusion of a
break-up, it’s common for the one left behind to
shelve logic and common sense, and focus instead
on the emotional side of things. Like pain. Anger.
Hurt. Grief. Betrayal. Shock.

And with this whirling inferno of negative
emotions comes another strong reaction: denial.

You want to know how to get your ex back and
stop the pain of this break up. Preferably, as
soon as possible. It hurts way, way too much to
allow this situation to continue for one SECOND
longer than it absolutely has to.

There’s no time to consider whether or not the
end of the relationship might actually be a good
thing in the long run. You’re in far too much pain
to think about what it was that made your partner
so unhappy that they chose to end the relationship
rather than try to fix things.

Grief is the most painful of all emotions. And
when you’re in its grip, all that matters is
stopping the pain. NOW.

As far as you can see, the easiest way to stop
the pain of a break-up is to fix the relationship
– to get your lover back, and get rid of this
awful, agonizing, ever-present sorrow.

Unfortunately, fixing a broken relationship is
not all that easy. As Greg Behrendt and Amira
Ruotola-Behrendt, authors of “It’s Called A Breakup Because
It’s Broken” say, relationships end for a reason.
Even if YOU feel like the relationship was the
most perfect relationship in the history of the
world, IT CLEARLY WASN’T.

Why not?

Because, for one person in that relationship-
that’s 50% of the partnership – things were bad
enough for them to end it.

Not try to fix it. Not “take a break”. But
actually consider what you have to offer them,
decide against it, and cut their losses now.

Today, we’re going to take a look at how to
cope with the confusion, anxiety, and grief that
ensue when a relationship ends. To illustrate,
I’ve included a question from one of our readers –
a question that, with slight variations, has to be
one of THE MOST COMMON questions of all when
dealing with a relationship break-up.

This one’s from Natalie, and she writes:

Dear Mirabelle,

I think I screwed up … and I need some help. A
great relationship that I have just been in for
the past three years has recently ended. He was
the one who ended it not me.

We have been apart for a month now and we still
stay in touch … he says he wants us to be friends.

A couple of times we’ve slept together since the breakup
and he says that although he still really cares about me,
that it was just sex and he doesn’t want us to get back
together.

Here is my question Mia: are we going to
get back together? Surely because he wants to be
friends and we are still sleeping together, that
means there is a chance and that I am still in his
heart as he is in mine? Do you think that he still
thinks about me as a potential girlfriend?

Our relationship was so great, all I want is to get
him back again, and I think that because he is
still thinking about me that this must be
possible.

Please tell me what to do to get our relationship
back on track. And thank you very much for all your other
help in books newsletters etc, it is very helpful to me.

Yours, Natalie

Woah, Natalie!

Slow down here a moment. What you need to do is
take a deep breath and calm down.

Just from the few lines that you’ve written in to me,
I can tell you several things that are very clear to an
objective observer:

1. He does NOT still love you, and he does NOT
think of you as a potential girlfriend. He doesn’t
even think of you as a friend, let alone potential
girlfriend material.

2. He does still think about you, but this
doesn’t necessarily mean anything. It just means
that you’re entering his headspace now and again.

3. You are too sad from the ending of the
relationship to make good decisions for yourself
right now. You need to ask someone close to you
for some advice and ongoing support as you
extricate yourself from this emotional mess.

Allow me to clarify each of these points.

Point 1: How can I tell that he does not still
love you? Well, firstly because he says so.
Secondly, because of the way he’s treating you. He
might be saying that he would like the two of you
to be friends – but pay attention to his ACTIONS,
not his WORDS.

Is he behaving how a true friend would? No. He
is not. He’s causing you pain and confusion, and
is allowing you to hope that the two of you will
mend your broken relationship. That’s not
friendship, that’s plain selfishness.

Even putting aside the fact that the two of you
are still sleeping together every now and then,
there is NO WAY that the relationship you have
right now could be termed a “friendship” by
ANYONE’S measures.

A friendship is all about trust, respect, and
mutual PLATONIC enjoyment of one another’s
company. Friends are understanding, generous, and
kind to one another.

A friendship does not inflict pain on either of
the people involved in it.

By these measures alone, the truth is that
NEITHER of you are prepared to be friends.

As for your ex, I’m sorry to say that he is
using you at the moment. He’s using you as a
“safety measure” – he knows that he made the right
decision for himself by choosing to end the
relationship, but he enjoys the safety-net of
having you there in the background.

Having you around means that he doesn’t ever
have to fear being truly alone. After all, if
things don’t work out for him as a single man, or
with any other girlfriends he might be keeping on
the side, he knows that he could always try going
back to you again for some quick sex, affection,
or an ego-boost.

And as for you yourself: you are clearly not
ready for a friendship with your ex, either.
You’re using the opportunity that this
“friendship” presents to keep your ex in your life
at any cost. You’re not wanting to be true
friends. You are merely using the term
“friendship” to hide behind as you try to figure
out a way to get the two of you back together
again.

This will only cause you pain in the long run,
because it’s allowing you to fool yourself that
the relationship is not really “over” – when, in
fact, it IS.

It’s confusing when you have to differentiate
someone’s INTENTIONS from their ACTIONS.

For example, when your ex tells you that he
still cares about you and wants to be your friend,
but then complicates matters by sleeping with you
and explaining that he doesn’t love you any more,
it is very hard on you.

It’s difficult for someone who is so
emotionally involved in the situation to see
things clearly, which is why I’m so glad you’ve
written in and asked for an objective opinion.

Point 2: Yes, he still thinks about you.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that he wants to
get back together with you – or even that he
particularly cares for your welfare or happiness.

Everyone thinks about exes from time to time.
Depending on the circumstances of the breakup,
they might think of an ex with fondness,
bitterness, sadness, or even rage – but none of
these things mean that the two of you will get
back together.

In your case, he’s thinking of you for the
simple fact that you were a major part of his life
for a long time. It would be very difficult for
him to NOT think of you every now and then. It
doesn’t mean he still loves you, and it doesn’t
mean that he wants to get back together with you.

Point 3: You’re not in a good place emotionally
right now. It’s difficult for you to disengage
your emotions enough to understand what you need
to do to preserve your own best interests here.

If you were seeing things clearly, you’d see
what doubtless all your friends and family members
can see: that your ex has NO intention of getting
back together with you.

That he’s simply using you as the “soft option”
until someone better comes along.

That staying in touch with him is actually
HARMING YOU, and is prolonging the grieving
process.

Fact: you need to make a clean break with your
old relationship. This means no contact of any
sort with your ex (and yes, text messages, email,
and voicemail all count as contact.)

I know that this will be painful for you. The
end of a cherished relationship is always a bloody
thing, even when that ending is for the best. You
will have to be strong.

Here’s a fact that will help: by making a clean
break, you’re actually choosing the option that’s
the LEAST painful in the long run.

Yes, it will hurt more RIGHT NOW than if you
were to continue to see him, and to sporadically
do things that give you false hope (like sleeping
with him).

But eking out that contact, is actually making
the break-up itself a lot more drawn-out and
painful than it needs to be. It’s putting off the
day when you’ll be able to say to yourself, “I’m
over him”. It’s sacrificing your long-term
happiness, simply in order to delay the evil day
of acceptance a little bit longer.

It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid: a quick rip,
an “ouch”, and then …. nothing but healthy,
healed, smooth flesh underneath.

You need to write your ex an email or a letter
and explain to him that you’ve made a decision to
cease all contact from here on. Explain that
you’ve made this decision because you’re looking
out for your own best interests, and that it’s
simply too difficult to come to terms with the end
of the relationship when you’re still hanging out
– even if it’s only “as friends”.

Ask that he respects your wishes, and – as a
nice touch – wish him all the best for his future.

Then sign off, send it, and congratulate
yourself. You’ve just taken the first step towards
assuming emotional responsibility for yourself and
your own life – and you’ve made yourself available
for when REAL happiness comes knocking!

And rest assured, it will. Despite the pain,
despite the anguish and agony you’re enduring
right now, there will come a moment when you
realize you’ve come through the worst. Light,
love, and hope will re-enter your life. You will
come through this experience stronger and better
than you were before. You’ll have learned valuable
life lessons, and you’ll be truly ready to welcome
someone who deserves you, and all you have to
offer, into your life.

Breakups are painful. It’s all too easy to
blame yourself, to assume culpability where you
shouldn’t, and to believe yourself to be at fault
– when actually, you were not.

To make sure you stay on the right track and
don’t allow the uncertainty and confusion of a
breakup to damage your ability to learn and grow
from the experience, keep your confidence and
happiness levels sky-high. Arm yourself with the
right information at a time when you need it the most

Excerpt from Mirabelle Summers

Understanding What Went Wrong

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How to flirt with a guy

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The 5 Secrets of Popular Women

The 5 Secrets of Popular Women

Ever noticed that men are actually a LOT
different from the way they portray themselves?

They like us to think of them as single, and
loving it – as though their bachelor days are the
best days of their lives. They jokingly refer to
their friends’ girlfriends as “the ball and
chain”, and they brag to their mates about their
prowess in the one-night-stand department (“Dude!
I scored three chicks over the weekend!”)

Yet, underneath all the braggadocio, men are
actually just as tuned-in for love as women are.
Statistical surveys tell us that 39% of single men
rate “finding a relationship” as one of the most
important aspects of life (compared to 26% of
single women – how’s that for unexpected?)

But statistics aside, there are certain
qualities a woman can have which give her a
significant advantage in the quest to find a
satisfying relationship. Fact: there are certain
feminine attributes which men consider to be
universally attractive.

You’ll learn ALL about what it is that makes women
truly irresistible to men (two fantastic bonuses:
it’s not about physical attractiveness, and the
results are immediate!)

To give you a quick taster, I’m going to give
you the top five “great girlfriend”
characteristics that are UNIVERSALLY DESIRED by
men. These are the traits that the popular women
have: the things that get them the thumbs-up from
a guy’s friends, parents, and – most importantly –
the guy himself.

Trait #1: You strike the balance between
appreciative and independent.

This means you pull your own weight when it
comes to dates, money, and handling situations –
yet at the same time, you’re able to relax and
enjoy it when he makes an effort to take care of
you.

Some women are aware of the appeal of an
independent female, and their enthusiasm to fulfil
this modern-day ideal will actually lead them in
the wrong direction. There they will sit,
steely-eyed, Amex in hand, as the waiter
approaches with the bill – conveying iron-fisted
Women-Can-Do-Anything-And-Don’t-You-DARE-Pay
willpower to everyone within a ten-foot radius.

And then, at the opposite end of the spectrum,
is the girl who mysteriously has to pay a visit to
the bathroom JUST as the check arrives … or is the
first out of the taxi and last to the bar, every
time … or who stands there waiting for assistance
whenever she’s got more than 2 grocery bags to
carry.

Fact: neither of these women are attractive to
men.

Men like to feel that you appreciate their
efforts towards chivalry, and most of them will
get a rush from things like opening doors for you
and paying for movie tickets. It’s important to
allow him the opportunity to do little things for
you. But take it too far, and that sense of
pleasure will turn to resentment.

The trick is to strike a happy balance. You
want to allow him to indulge his masculine desire
to protect, provide, and give pleasure, but
without making him feel like you’re taking him for
granted.

In other words, if you expect dinner, dessert,
and parking to be paid for every time, or if you
make a habit of accepting drinks but never buying
them, then you’ll be filed away under “Avoid
Phone-Calls From” for future reference.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: appreciate, enjoy,
but NEVER expect. And make sure he knows it.

Trait #2: You’re happy to let him have his own
life

Closeness is a fantastic thing. It’s elusive –
most people spend their lives searching for a
soul-connection with someone. So when you develop
a relationship with someone who you think to
yourself could be “The One”, it’s tempting to
spend ALL your time with them.

But men need to know that, should things
between you ever reach that kind of level, that
you’ll still be OK with him having interests and
friends of his own. He needs to know that he won’t
need to account for his every move, or apologize
to you for having a late night out every so often.

And this is a two-way street: not only does he
need his independence from you, but he wants YOU
to need your independence from him, too.

It’s uncomfortable for ANYONE to feel like
somebody else’s entire life centers around nothing
but them. Put him up on a pedestal, and shirk your
other interests and friendships in favor of
hanging out with him, and he’ll slip through your
fingers like quicksilver – scared off by the
burden of importance you’ve placed on him.

The trick to maintaining a happy status quo?
It’s called Live and Let Live. Men will value a
partner who WANTS to hang out with them, but
doesn’t NEED them to be around – someone who
enjoys their company when they’re around, and is
happy to get on with her own life when they’re
not.

(By the way, if this is a topic that you’d like
to learn more about, then you’ll find “Conversation
Chemistry” very much worth your while.
It’s available now at:
https://www.meetyoursweet.com/conversationchemistry/.)

So be affectionate, by all means – just don’t
translate “affection” into “neediness”.

Trait #3: You Keep Yourself Together – But
Don’t Take It Too Far

Spending more than half an hour getting ready
for a date when he’s waiting for you in the other
room is an ABSOLUTE no-no. It’s nice that you like
to look nice – but anything more than half an hour
MAXIMUM is asking way, way too much. (To really
score bonus points, you’ll make a habit of being
ready by the time he knocks on your door.)

However, it’s possible to take this to the
other extreme: if you put a lot of effort into
your appearance when you first started hanging
out, but 10 dates down the line you’ve graduated
to holey underwear and trackpants 24/7, he’s not
going to be too impressed.

Sound shallow? Just think how you’d feel if
your hot boyfriend with the washboard stomach
turned out to be a professional couch-potato slob
with a penchant for 12-packs (the aluminum kind,
not the abdominal kind) and Krispy Kremes. You’d
feel a bit cheated, wouldn’t you?

The ideal girlfriend will keep herself looking
tidy and together (because SHE wants to, not
because HE wants her to) but won’t need an
exhaustive 2-hour primping routine just to go grab
brunch together.

Trait #4 You Don’t Load Him Down With Your
Insecurities

We’re all human. Every one of us, male or
female, has our own set of insecurities and
hang-ups. The average well-adjusted man can handle
that, and he’s able to sympathize with you and
support you through them – AFTER HE’S GOT TO KNOW
YOU A LITTLE BIT.

How does this translate to you and your life?
Just remember that people are looking for a
partner who’s going to burden them with as few
insecurities and hang-ups as possible.

The early days are NOT a good time for you to
confess that your parents divorced when you were a
child, therefore you struggle with abandonment
issues. You might feel relieved and happy to have
found someone you can trust; he’ll hear, “Say
bye-bye to your friends, your hobbies, and your
independence, buddy!”

Likewise, you should stay away from bloopers
such as “misreading” compliments (he tells you
that you look nice; you scoff and ask him if he’s
somehow overlooked your butt/thighs/the pimple on
your chin), asking him to tell you that he loves
you “just so you can relax”, or making a point of
pointing out pretty girls’ flaws to make yourself
feel better (tip: you’ll do far, FAR better if you
actually POINT OUT a hot girl and compliment her.)

Look, these things cross all of our minds
sooner or later. We all have our low moments, when
all we want is to be hugged and told that
everything’s going to be OK. But you have to give
it time. You can’t overload the poor bloke with
too much responsibility, too early on – you want
him to feel like a boyfriend, not a babysitter!

It’s hard to know where to draw the line – you
want to be able to trust this person with your
true feelings, but you don’t want to actually
drive him away.

https://www.meetyoursweet.com/selfconfidence/women/index.php
has a fantastic section on learning how to be
honest and comfortable in your relationships
WITHOUT killing the attraction.

Remember, if you’re interested in scoring
“great girlfriend” points, you’ll do things that
show how confident and secure you are in yourself
– not things that showcase your insecurities.
Remember, how we see ourselves sets the tone for
how others see us.

Trait #5: He is not your project (and you both
know it)

How many men complain that their female halves
are trying to “better” them?

I always feel so sorry for these poor guys. It
must be dreadful. They attract a woman who they
honesty believe loves (or at least LIKES) them for
who they are.

After a month or so passes, the criticism sets
in. Could he lose that weight he keeps talking
about? It’s bad for his health, and he’d look so
much better without it. Could he stop wearing
those daggy T-shirts? It’s embarrassing to be seen
out with him looking like that. He should really
stop eating take-out if he wants to see 65 … and
so on.

Women know that this nagging is a form of
affection: they’re taking responsibility for the
health and wellbeing of their men, because they
don’t see that man as being able to take
sufficient care of himself.

Men, on the other hand, do not see it as a sign
of affection. They see it as a boring, irritating
nuisance. No man on the face of the earth has EVER
liked being nagged. (Did you know that in 18th
century England it was actually legal to douse a
woman in the river and pelt her with stones if she
was convicted of nagging?)

Not only does nagging and criticism convey an
essential disrespect for that man’s basic
personality and habits, but it also tells him that
you consider yourself and your opinions superior
to his. He’s become your project: you’re going to
“fix” him, even if he doesn’t want to be fixed.

Not surprisingly, ALL men resent this in
varying degrees. Some will tell you in short order
where to go, some will resignedly tolerate it
(stuffing their ears with cotton-wool where
necessary), but not a one of them will ever
appreciate it.

Instead of trying to fix him, show him how
supportive you’re likely to be as a long-term
girlfriend. Make him feel GOOD about himself. Show
him how you can be an asset to his self-esteem,
social status, and life. If he shows you a project
he’s working on, reads you some of the novel he’s
writing in his spare time, or lets you take a peek
at his amateur cartoon strips, be enthusiastic in
your praise and support of his efforts. And save
your “suggestions” on his eating habits, wardrobe,
and alcoholic excesses … do you want to be the
fun-loving companion that he loves to spend time
with, or the authoritarian mother-figure who
sparks irritation and resentment?

Men get enough competition from their male
friends that they appreciate support from you all
the more. Showing that you’re the kind of lady
who’ll make him feel good about himself will show
him that you’re likely to be a supportive
long-term girlfriend, too.

Don’t forget, these are just 5 tips on making
yourself irresistible to men. For the full skinny
on being the kind of woman that men can’t stay
away from, check out
http://www.000relationships.com/tomen/. This is a
FANTASTIC resource – it’s bursting with
tried-and-true strategies and honest, easy to
implement techniques for getting rid of all your
dating and relationship hang-ups, and finding out
the secrets of attracting men!

The Right One is Worth the Wait

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The Word “Only” Can Keep You Lonely

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Dating Others Worked – For HIM

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Destiny in Love: It’s Not Just In the Movies –

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How To Know If He’s A Loser Or A Keeper

One of the things that women have to contend with in dating is the
risk of having a “great guy” DISAPPEAR from your life after going
to bed with you. There’s always the possibility of going out with
someone who seems so awesome at the beginning, only to undergo a
shocking character transformation later on.

And chances are, you’ve probably experienced this yourself. It
wouldn’t rare for most girls to be disappointed (or even appalled)
when their guy doesn’t live up to the hype.

That really puts us in a pickle, doesn’t it? Constantly wondering
if the man you’re going out with is a psycho in nice guy’s clothing
does nothing for your peace of mind.

After all, dating and/or getting into a relationship with someone
is a considerable emotional investment. Sure, getting hurt comes
with the territory, but there’s certainly nothing wrong about
saving yourself unnecessary grief.

There’s a difference between going through the normal relationship
issues with a quality man (like clashes of opinion and such), and
falling for a guy who’ll treat you like dirt a few months down the
road.

I’m sure you don’t want the latter to happen to you, so today let’s
cover some things to watch out for in a guy. In a nutshell,
telltale signs will emerge as early as the first few dates, and
it’s up to you to look out for the following:

#1: His level of respect for you and towards others

Sometimes, we can get so blinded by our “love goggles” or over
eagerness that certain red flags (such as a questionable amount of
respect) slip past us. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t enjoy the
date, but you do need to watch out for little indicators of how he
treats you and other people.

Here are a couple of things to consider: first, does he enjoy
making fun of the things that are obviously important to you? It’s
one thing for a guy to poke harmless fun at your “Love Jams” CD
collection, and another for him to tell you it’s “for pathetic,
sappy losers”.

Second, observe how he talks to people involved in customer
service, such as the staff at the restaurant you’re eating at or
the cashier working at the popcorn stand in the movie theater.

Does he excessively berate them for not serving his café latte
according to his micro-specifications? Or does he POLITELY point
out little slip-ups with a lot of words like “please” and “thanks”
on the side?

Even if his attitude towards other folks doesn’t directly involve
you, it gives you a glimpse of how he’ll act in the relationship
later on.

#2: How thoughtful is he?

Not counting obsessive-compulsiveness, a guy who has the
consideration for some vital things is an indication of his
character.

This includes his attention to detail – does he care enough to
brush his teeth, shine his shoes, iron his clothes and keep his car
in good working order? Don’t feel that you’re being mean or
overcritical for thinking about these things.

These are merely BASIC aspects, and you’re not being harsh by
taking them into account. A guy wouldn’t ask his dreamgirl to walk
down the altar if he knew his bride-to-be was going to spend the
rest of the marriage looking like something the cat dragged in.

So it’s only fair to expect the same bare necessities from the guys
we date. Notice that I haven’t mentioned anything about looks,
because it’s not about that.

Your guy doesn’t have to look like he stole Brad Pitt’s DNA, but he
*does* have to be thoughtful enough by being neat and presentable
on a date.

Thoughtfulness also extends to things like being a good listener,
which shows that he really cares about what you have to say. It’s
a good sign when he displays interest by asking questions about
your stories and so on.

Let’s not forget gentlemanly stuff like guiding you to your seat or
opening doors for you. Political correctness aside, being treated
like a lady tips you off about his character.

While you’re fully capable of taking care of yourself, is he
willing to inconvenience himself from time to time for your sake?
Look out for signs that confirm or refute this.

Oh, and there’s the matter of picking up the tab. Sure, eventually
you’re going to split future expenses (like rent or house payments
if you get that far), but his WILLINGNESS to shoulder dinner costs
is a hint of his capacity as a provider.

#3: He pays attention to your positive aspects

When you put effort into looking your best and he complements you
for that, it feels great. But what about your other traits, such as
a strong independent streak or your creativity?

There’s something special about a guy who can appreciate the things
about you that go beyond physicality. If he has the ability to
GENUINELY (not patronizingly) value your hobbies, interests, and
other stuff you hold dear, then you may have a winner!

As long as he VALUES you in the same regard as you do for yourself,
then your guy is on the right track.

#4: He has a generally positive outlook

Not to get all mystical or new age-y on you, but a person’s energy
can either bring you up or down.

I’m sure you’ve met your fair share of upbeat as well as gloomy
people. Notice how their energy affects your own disposition.

When the peppy attendant at the bookstore is just oozing with
delight to help you pick out a good read, it’s not hard for your
mood to follow suit. Similarly, your co-worker’s sob story about
the umpteenth fight she had with her boyfriend is going to bring
down your day.

It also works the same way with a potential boyfriend. Does his
broad view of things lean towards the positive side, or does he
only see the world in dull shades of depressing gray?

Watch out for a guy that likes to get into long rants. It doesn’t
bode well for someone who likes whining about his work or spends
lots of time putting down a former lover or an annoying colleague.

Think about how things might turn out if you got into a
relationship with such a guy. If he’s consistently displayed this
kind of negative behavior throughout your last few dates, maybe
it’s time to move on.

On the other hand, keep an eye on a date that can at least muster a
sense of humor and doesn’t take things too seriously.

As an aside, let this also be a friendly reminder of your own
attitude. After all, you form HALF of the equation here, so be
mindful of how you conduct yourself during a date!

#5: He has enough common ground to share with you

While opposites attract, he should be able to meet you HALFWAY at
minimum. At the very least, you should be able to relate to a
guy’s general views, values and lifestyle on some level.

More importantly, there has to be that certain dynamic that allows
you both to exchange new ideas with each other. It’s hard to pin
it down really, but sooner or later you’ll develop a feel of your
compatibility in general – DON’T ignore this.

#6: Fill in your own criteria here

I’m sure you have a personal set of standards, but remember to keep
it PRACTICAL. What I usually suggest to my friends is to clarify
their criteria by making a LIST of things you want in a guy.

Don’t put too much thought into the first draft; write down as many
traits or qualities that you think your dream guy needs to have.
Then, go over this version and think hard about whether the
original criteria you listed are absolutely essential.

Chances are you can further REFINE or even DROP certain traits from
your list.

For instance, does Mr. Right REALLY need to have a height of 6’5″,
or would you just be as happy with someone a bit below that mark?
Maybe the quality of your relationship wouldn’t be THAT affected if
your suitor wasn’t as a hardcore fan of Harry Potter as you are.

Give yourself the chance to trim down the fat until you’ve come up
with a list that’s realistic but doesn’t compromise your core
principles or values. However, it doesn’t have to be a final
version from that point on, either.

Be flexible enough to amend your list because the changing
circumstances in your life could influence what you want in a man
in the future.

In the end however, it’s your gut feeling that will truly tell you
if he’s worth keeping or ditching. Though the first couple of
dates with a given guy may not be movie-perfect, there could be an
“x-factor” which could justify another chance.

Of course, we’re not aiming for absolute perfection here, only
developing a good idea of whether his strengths outshine his flaws.
Just keep the basic prerequisites in mind to help GUIDE your
higher judgment.

What really matters is that you learn to build up a general
AWARENESS (but NOT a suspicious mindset) of the signs that are
already there. It’s just a matter of getting used to keeping your
eyes open, but relaxed enough to enjoy dating.

Excerpt from Rachel Rider

How to Be Irresistible to Men team
000Relationships.com

Uncomplicate Your Relationship With Him

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