“How To Handle the Indirect Invite – When He Asks You
If You’re Free This Weekend”
“So, are you free this weekend?”
In your mind: You don’t know if he’s just
asking a general question to make casual
conversation, or making a lame attempt to
ask you out only after he’s sure you have
no other plans – maybe.
He IS making a lame attempt to ask you out,
but if it turns out you have plans, then
he can pretend he was making casual
conversation – in other words, he doesn’t
have to feel that rejected.
If you have other plans, it doesn’t mean
that you don’t want to see him, of course.
But it would be nice if he’d make his
wishes more clear.
So what to do?
If you don’t want to see him, then you’re
not worried about this anyway.
If you DO want to see him, then you need to
HELP this date-challenged male… by getting
Treat the question as though he IS asking
you out on a date… so now you’re just getting
That can make things easier on both of you.
One of you has to put yourself on the line
sooner or later. Life is short. If this
doesn’t go well, then you can move on to
The important thing is to use a happy and
pleasant tone of voice.
He: “So, are you free this weekend?”
You: “What day?”
He: “Oh… Saturday?”
You: “Okay. What are we doing?”
(Saying “okay” is better than “yes” because
it implies that you’re accepting the
invitation he put out there, rather than
telling him you had nothing to do but wait
for his Indirect Invite.)
He: “I thought we could catch a movie.”
(He names an activity of some kind. If you
don’t want to do what he says, you can
suggest something else.)
You: “Okay, sounds nice… what time do you want
to get together?”
Then he gives you a time (…we can only hope).
Before your conversation ends, you can tell him
(with a smile):
You: “Okay, great, see you at 7 Saturday.”
(Do not sound like you’re at work when you say that -
meaning, don’t sound businesslike or like he’s just
made a doctor’s appointment.)
WHAT IFS – Possible Problems
Now suppose when you ask him “What day?”
he responds with “I don’t know.”
Ugh, Mr. Vague strikes again… this is not good.
Now he doesn’t sound all that interested.
Or he might say, “What day are you free?”
What do you do?
If he then says, “What day are you free?” OR
the ever-popular “I don’t know,” then ask, “What
day is good for you?”
You have to get him to specify a day. From
there, keep treating it as a date request.
Remember – treat these lame questions as though
they are the kind of question you prefer.
Treat them as though you are being asked to
spend time with him. That’s what he’s attempting
to do anyway.
What about guys who try to “last-minute” you?
What if he asks, “Are you free TONIGHT”??
That’s totally different. We’ll talk about that
Let’s face it – a lot of men these days have
fallen into bad habits because women put up
with half-hearted, vague, or last-minute
“invitations” to get together.
Don’t give up on such a guy – perhaps you
can rehabilitate him. You teach him how
to treat you – just like you teach everyone
how to treat you.
You’ll find out if he’s “worthy” and save
yourself a lot of heartache – and you’ll
show him how a worthwhile woman responds
to an almost invisible date request, in
case he doesn’t even know!
He DOES know. Men who are really and
truly interested generally don’t need
lessons on how to go after a woman – but
still – it won’t hurt to give a man a
chance to “wake up and smell the coffee.”
From Mimi Tanner